Why are you washing it? my brother asked, perplexed. Its torturous. Being an adult is mostly being exhausted, wishing you hadnt made any plans, and trying to figure out how the hell you hurt your back., 31. Maybe youll find a brain back there., 45. I think my friend is dead! he yells. Hes now a seasoned veteran. Especially if youve got hay fever. Milton Jones. In a normal tone, he asks, Honey, whats for supper?, So he moves to the other end of the room and repeats, Honey, whats for supper? Still no response. The bouncer says, "You can't come in here with a dog." Aye matey.. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting. Whenever we'd start talking and she didn't want to hear it she would sing, "Oh the monkey wrapped his tail around the flag pole, to wipe his butt hole, and see the world! Dont miss these bad jokes you cant help but laugh at. We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer) as we strive to provide site experiences for browsers that support new web standards and security practices. How do you think I feel? asks his companion. Submitted by Ken MacKay. Looking at the car, he was astounded to see that the elderly woman behind the wheel was knitting. At one point during the road test, he approached a four-way stop, looked to his left, and cruised straight through the stop sign. He never had a chance!, The man says, I dont know about that. Sorry, Im not Adele. The foreman stands, clear his throat and announces, Not guilty. The defendant leaps to his feet. Soccer is one of the most played sports in America. Try giving them one of these funny compliments! Tomac. 25 of Spike Milligans greatest gags ._1LHxa-yaHJwrPK8kuyv_Y4{width:100%}._1LHxa-yaHJwrPK8kuyv_Y4:hover ._31L3r0EWsU0weoMZvEJcUA{display:none}._1LHxa-yaHJwrPK8kuyv_Y4 ._31L3r0EWsU0weoMZvEJcUA,._1LHxa-yaHJwrPK8kuyv_Y4:hover ._11Zy7Yp4S1ZArNqhUQ0jZW{display:block}._1LHxa-yaHJwrPK8kuyv_Y4 ._11Zy7Yp4S1ZArNqhUQ0jZW{display:none} Tamron Hall and Soledad O'Brien make jokes at Megyn Kelly's expense Being broken up with. How did you do it? he asked. He seems fine now, says the vet. [Read: Backhanded compliment How to react kindly or give back in kind]. 78. 20 of The Young Ones most gloriously silly quotes One afternoon, I decided to clean a purse of mine by throwing it into the washing machinespring cleaning and all that. Relive the history of the world in dumb jokes. I needed a password eight characters long, so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarves. Nick Helm. We missed the R! Get to know these funny jokes for National Tell a Joke Day! Its not until an hour or two later that you come up with a one-liner to knock them off their feet. I was wondering, why does a frisbee appear larger the closer it gets? Why couldn't the defensive football player pass his test in school? 27 brilliantly funny quotes from This Country Lemme try some of that! The man grabs the beer. Late one evening, Norms doorbell rang. '", "Why did the old woman fall into the well? I have a new TV series airing next week, and everyone says its going to be a hit. Once my dog ate all the Scrabble tiles. If you look closely, you can see the little black dots in the meatballs. First, lets make sure hes dead., Theres a silence, then a shot. Finally, after wed seen all 20 poses, he asked me which ones I was most interested in. From the best clean jokes for adults to funny clean jokes of the day, this big SFW list has something hilarious for everyone: kids, teens, seniors and co-workers. Me: Do you think this is the right career for you? ", "It's thinly sliced cabbage. After my husband injured himself, I ran him over to the doctors office. Jokes You Couldn't Tell Today Part 3 - YouTube The point of being sarcastic is that its cool and effortless. The day before both NBC and Fox confirmed she would not be making a return to the networks, Tamron Hall and Soledad O'Brien couldn't help but make a jibe at Megyn Kelly in New York. A dog is a bitch, dogs bark. This is my first day driving a cab. ._2FKpII1jz0h6xCAw1kQAvS{background-color:#fff;box-shadow:0 0 0 1px rgba(0,0,0,.1),0 2px 3px 0 rgba(0,0,0,.2);transition:left .15s linear;border-radius:57%;width:57%}._2FKpII1jz0h6xCAw1kQAvS:after{content:"";padding-top:100%;display:block}._2e2g485kpErHhJQUiyvvC2{-ms-flex-align:center;align-items:center;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;-ms-flex-pack:start;justify-content:flex-start;background-color:var(--newCommunityTheme-navIconFaded10);border:2px solid transparent;border-radius:100px;cursor:pointer;position:relative;width:35px;transition:border-color .15s linear,background-color .15s linear}._2e2g485kpErHhJQUiyvvC2._3kUvbpMbR21zJBboDdBH7D{background-color:var(--newRedditTheme-navIconFaded10)}._2e2g485kpErHhJQUiyvvC2._3kUvbpMbR21zJBboDdBH7D._1L5kUnhRYhUJ4TkMbOTKkI{background-color:var(--newRedditTheme-active)}._2e2g485kpErHhJQUiyvvC2._3kUvbpMbR21zJBboDdBH7D._1L5kUnhRYhUJ4TkMbOTKkI._3clF3xRMqSWmoBQpXv8U5z{background-color:var(--newRedditTheme-buttonAlpha10)}._2e2g485kpErHhJQUiyvvC2._1asGWL2_XadHoBuUlNArOq{border-width:2.25px;height:24px;width:37.5px}._2e2g485kpErHhJQUiyvvC2._1asGWL2_XadHoBuUlNArOq ._2FKpII1jz0h6xCAw1kQAvS{height:19.5px;width:19.5px}._2e2g485kpErHhJQUiyvvC2._1hku5xiXsbqzLmszstPyR3{border-width:3px;height:32px;width:50px}._2e2g485kpErHhJQUiyvvC2._1hku5xiXsbqzLmszstPyR3 ._2FKpII1jz0h6xCAw1kQAvS{height:26px;width:26px}._2e2g485kpErHhJQUiyvvC2._10hZCcuqkss2sf5UbBMCSD{border-width:3.75px;height:40px;width:62.5px}._2e2g485kpErHhJQUiyvvC2._10hZCcuqkss2sf5UbBMCSD ._2FKpII1jz0h6xCAw1kQAvS{height:32.5px;width:32.5px}._2e2g485kpErHhJQUiyvvC2._1fCdbQCDv6tiX242k80-LO{border-width:4.5px;height:48px;width:75px}._2e2g485kpErHhJQUiyvvC2._1fCdbQCDv6tiX242k80-LO ._2FKpII1jz0h6xCAw1kQAvS{height:39px;width:39px}._2e2g485kpErHhJQUiyvvC2._2Jp5Pv4tgpAsTcnUzTsXgO{border-width:5.25px;height:56px;width:87.5px}._2e2g485kpErHhJQUiyvvC2._2Jp5Pv4tgpAsTcnUzTsXgO ._2FKpII1jz0h6xCAw1kQAvS{height:45.5px;width:45.5px}._2e2g485kpErHhJQUiyvvC2._1L5kUnhRYhUJ4TkMbOTKkI{-ms-flex-pack:end;justify-content:flex-end;background-color:var(--newCommunityTheme-active)}._2e2g485kpErHhJQUiyvvC2._3clF3xRMqSWmoBQpXv8U5z{cursor:default}._2e2g485kpErHhJQUiyvvC2._3clF3xRMqSWmoBQpXv8U5z ._2FKpII1jz0h6xCAw1kQAvS{box-shadow:none}._2e2g485kpErHhJQUiyvvC2._1L5kUnhRYhUJ4TkMbOTKkI._3clF3xRMqSWmoBQpXv8U5z{background-color:var(--newCommunityTheme-buttonAlpha10)} Did You Know Anxiety Can Enhance Our Relationships? 100 of Homer Simpsons greatest quotes It's stopped twerking. The first little boy says, Ill have some @#$%^& pancakes., The mother angrily sends him to his room for cursing. Crocker, you are just fine, insisted the nurse. Where's my popcorn? ' Tim Vine, I have kleptomania. ' @woodyluvscoffee. So what have you done with your life? he asks the dog. Submitted by Denise Stewart. Good heavens, the first doctor said to the second, look at that poor crippled fellow., Yeah, answered the second doctor. I waited and stayed up all night and tried to figure out where the sun was. He wasnt familiar with royal etiquette, so he decided to simply follow the Queens lead and hope for the best. The only reason Im fat is because a tiny body couldnt store all this personality.[Read: How to be funny and make people love your company], 29. He asks the dogs owner, Why on Earth would you want to get rid of an incredible dog like that?, The owner says, Because hes a liar! He really is your son! Detector: Beep.. He needed a little space. Thanks! Is it true, she wanted to know, that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life? Yes, Im afraid so, said the doctor. Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to stammer out an apology. Kid 1: "I don't have a sister.". What does the word contemplate mean? the college student asked his English professor. Weinstein, Last night I was walking home and took a shortcut through the cemetery. The son comes home in the afternoon. 50 of Tim Vines most ingenious jokes and one-liners The plane takes off and the parrot orders a Glenlivet, neat. Whoever told you to be yourself gave you really bad advice [Read: Ready to charm? Have you heard about those new corduroy pillows? He said Thanks! I said Dont mention it., I was playing chess with my friend and he said, Lets make this interesting. A man, shocked by how his buddy is dressed, asks him, How long have you been wearing that bra? The friend replies, Ever since my wife found it in the glove compartment., The easiest time to add insult to injury is when youre signing somebodys cast. Demetri Martin, A ventriloquist is performing with his dummy on his lap. This moment of friction gifts you access into your partners interior, their map of pain points and insecurities, as well as insights into your own patterns and beliefs. You wont believe these hilarious job ads actually ran! Someone on the other side of the wall screamed, Hey, you jerk! Two men were driving home one night when one asked the other to check if the cars indicators are working. What are similar phrases like "You couldn't kick a tire - reddit Sometimes, people just need to be told. Its all right for 10 minutes, then you start to feel sick. Andrew Lawrence, I bought my friend an elephant for his room. Im having a going-out-of-fitness sale. @johnlyontweets, I tried to organize a hide-and-seek tournament, but it was a complete failure. The satisfactory. Im not insulting you, Im describing you., 39. Im just mean and people think Im joking., 35. Its easy, replies the ranger. We can hold ourselves accountable with self-compassion, and our partners can let us know about their hurt while remembering that we are imperfect and lovable. 49 of Monty Pythons funniest jokes Ill grant you three wishes, the genie says. How are you feeling? she asks. I want to achieve it by not dying. Woody Allen, The village blacksmith finally found an apprentice willing to work hard for long hours. Aidan on Instagram: "From killer hoco proposal, to killer hoco I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road. You couldn't organise a piss up in a brewery, He couldn't get his hole in a barrel of fannies._3K2ydhts9_ES4s9UpcXqBi{display:block;padding:0 16px;width:100%} Thats just how I roll. The head monk, says, You make a good point, my son.. Thats why this suit is only $30., Finally, the fellow bought the suit, cocked his left shoulder into the air, tucked the suits left lapel under his chin, bent his right knee, and limped out of the store toward his car. Maybe 22, he says. My New Years resolution is to get in shape. ._2Gt13AX94UlLxkluAMsZqP{background-position:50%;background-repeat:no-repeat;background-size:contain;position:relative;display:inline-block} Its these harrowing situations that wake you out of a sound sleep suddenly fresh with dozens of snappy one-liners you wish you would have said. 50 of Frankie Boyles funniest (and darkest) jokes Professor of Logic Merch: https://www.redbubble.com/people/robtzn/shop?asc=uFollow on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sparkleforesst Ill tell you whatnever again. You didnt look to your right, yelled the frightened inspector. Just keep your right knee bent a little at all times, walk like this, and no one will notice. My four-year-old grandson loves picking dandelions, placing them in a glass of water and presenting then to his mom. One day, I was brushing my teeth in the restroom before a flight when a woman walked in. ", "If I agreed with you, then we'd both be wrong. The difference between "Ooooooh" and "Aaaaaah" is about three inches. A pun, a play on words, and a limerick walk into a bar. Fo drizzle! PostedJune 30, 2019 Sometimes it has vinaigrette or mayonnaise. And what, may I ask, are you? The cat replies, Um, Im a gnome.Submitted by Blake Kiltoff, What is my relationship deal breaker? 25 of Lee Macks wittiest jokes and one-liners Unless you are a pizza, the answer is yes, I can live without you. Bill Murray, 14. It can only become stairs.Mitch Hedberg, What I dont like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day. Phyllis Diller. The 2 Most Psychologically Incisive Films of 2022, The Surprising Role of Empathy in Traumatic Bonding. Could I have a few words with George?Submitted by David Miteff, An investment banker decides she needs in-house counsel, so she interviews a young lawyer. He never lets me forget that. Unfortunately, by that point, the opportunity is long gone. He was a great vet. 14. You're the reason God created the middle finger. I cant, says the poodle. A book just fell on my head. The bear shrugged. To get to the other side. Bonnie, he says, Larry is doing fine! ', Dad replies, 'We are your real parents, son. I have been working as a couples therapist for 20 years, and I know how many fights begin because someone cant take a joke.. These wiseand often hilariousquotes from The Good Place can be applied to everyday life! New to Amazon. If you're loving these science jokes, you'll get a kick out of these math jokes too. Whether its the swift one-liners of Tim Vine or Milton Jones, or a more traditionally structured joke, these quick-fire quips will have your friends rolling around on the floor. "Dad comes to his son and tells him he's adopted. Funny Husband Wife Joke Gift - 11 OZ Coffee Mug. I typed Bitch into my GPS and guess what? I usually work the evening shift, finishing close to 11:30 p.m. This bloke said to me: Im going to attack you with the neck of a guitar. I said: Is that a fret? But instead of wrinkling his nose in disgust, the optimist climbed to the top of the pile, and began gleefully digging out scoop after scoop with his bare hands. Theyre making headlines. 10. Get ready for more witty bar jokes anyone can remember. Except at a funeral.Demetri Martin, A guy walks into a dentists office and says, I think Im a moth., The dentist replies, You shouldnt be here. My sister would be so proud of you! she declared. Sad after the funeral of a friend, my wife and I ducked into a Chinese restaurant for a pick-me-up. What are you doing? Counting your ribs.Submitted by William Halliday. These funny tweets about food are sure to make you smile. 2. 50 of Terry Wogan and Graham Nortons most scathing Eurovision quotes Sadly, female airline pilots are still relatively rare. You could break a ball bearing with a rubber mallet. But I had to call you because Im in awe of his relationship with God. For more groan-worthy humour, find out what would happen if the person who named walkie-talkies named everything. Nurse: Have you ever had a hysterectomy? Friend making bad life choices? Hear about the new restaurant called Karma? When I feel down and someone tells me to suck it up, I get the urge to break their legs with a baseball bat and then say walk it off.. Because he broke all the records. One neighbour endlessly bangs his head against the wall, while another screams all night. How do you put up with it? I just ignore them and play my bagpipes.Submitted by Marilyn Adkins, Sarah, the self-appointed arbiter of the towns morals, stuck her nose into everyones business. Got anything less expensive?Submitted by Rosemary Covert, Snake 1: Are we poisonous? Two weeks later, I got five tickets in the mail for driving without a seatbelt. My friend asked me to help him round up his 37 sheep. Good Comebacks, Roasts, & Burns: Best 99+ You Need To Know - Humoropedia He replied, Only if she starts hanging out at hardware stores and buys a lot of power tools.. 1. Dont stick around for follow ups because youll lose the power. He told me to stop going there. I took that as my cue to outline my expanded role, and listed my actions and achievements. Funny Redneck Sayings and Quotes - Sayings Plus Couldn't find his way through a maze even if the rats helped him. All rights reserved. I went to buy a watch, and the man in the shop said Analogue? I said No, just a watch. May I interest you in a sarcastic comment, instead? Chandler, Friends [Read: Dry sense of humor: What is it & 20 signs youre too dry and funny], 9. Ive spent the week with seven beautiful women. Do not fret, my son, says the priest. 45 of Ricky Gervais funniest jokes I listened in and overheard Mitch say to Matt, Even if you were an only child, you still wouldnt be Mom and Dads favourite. Submitted by Denise Horn, While working the beverage cart at the local golf course, a customer asked me if I could go back to the previous green to see if she had left her sandwich there. I started a couple of weeks ago. Really? I said. Let her spell small animals, not big ones, said her mom. The floors are so shiny you can see your antennae in them. ", "Why do scuba divers fall backwards out of the boat? Start in England and drive west. One in 1. Want to turn someones frown upside down? Do you own a doghouse? We werent looking for the same thing, she explained. ._38lwnrIpIyqxDfAF1iwhcV{background-color:var(--newCommunityTheme-widgetColors-lineColor);border:none;height:1px;margin:16px 0}._37coyt0h8ryIQubA7RHmUc{margin-top:12px;padding-top:12px}._2XJvPvYIEYtcS4ORsDXwa3,._2Vkdik1Q8k0lBEhhA_lRKE,.icon._2Vkdik1Q8k0lBEhhA_lRKE{border-radius:100%;box-sizing:border-box;-ms-flex:none;flex:none;margin-right:8px}._2Vkdik1Q8k0lBEhhA_lRKE,.icon._2Vkdik1Q8k0lBEhhA_lRKE{background-position:50%;background-repeat:no-repeat;background-size:100%;height:54px;width:54px;font-size:54px;line-height:54px}._2Vkdik1Q8k0lBEhhA_lRKE._1uo2TG25LvAJS3bl-u72J4,.icon._2Vkdik1Q8k0lBEhhA_lRKE._1uo2TG25LvAJS3bl-u72J4{filter:blur()}.eGjjbHtkgFc-SYka3LM3M,.icon.eGjjbHtkgFc-SYka3LM3M{border-radius:100%;box-sizing:border-box;-ms-flex:none;flex:none;margin-right:8px;background-position:50%;background-repeat:no-repeat;background-size:100%;height:36px;width:36px}.eGjjbHtkgFc-SYka3LM3M._1uo2TG25LvAJS3bl-u72J4,.icon.eGjjbHtkgFc-SYka3LM3M._1uo2TG25LvAJS3bl-u72J4{filter:blur()}._3nzVPnRRnrls4DOXO_I0fn{margin:auto 0 auto auto;padding-top:10px;vertical-align:middle}._3nzVPnRRnrls4DOXO_I0fn ._1LAmcxBaaqShJsi8RNT-Vp i{color:unset}._2bWoGvMqVhMWwhp4Pgt4LP{margin:16px 0;font-size:12px;font-weight:400;line-height:16px}.icon.tWeTbHFf02PguTEonwJD0{margin-right:4px;vertical-align:top}._2AbGMsrZJPHrLm9e-oyW1E{width:180px;text-align:center}.icon._1cB7-TWJtfCxXAqqeyVb2q{cursor:pointer;margin-left:6px;height:14px;fill:#dadada;font-size:12px;vertical-align:middle}.hpxKmfWP2ZiwdKaWpefMn{background-color:var(--newCommunityTheme-active);background-size:cover;background-image:var(--newCommunityTheme-banner-backgroundImage);background-position-y:center;background-position-x:center;background-repeat:no-repeat;border-radius:3px 3px 0 0;height:34px;margin:-12px -12px 10px}._20Kb6TX_CdnePoT8iEsls6{-ms-flex-align:center;align-items:center;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;margin-bottom:8px}._20Kb6TX_CdnePoT8iEsls6>*{display:inline-block;vertical-align:middle}.t9oUK2WY0d28lhLAh3N5q{margin-top:-23px}._2KqgQ5WzoQRJqjjoznu22o{display:inline-block;-ms-flex-negative:0;flex-shrink:0;position:relative}._2D7eYuDY6cYGtybECmsxvE{-ms-flex:1 1 auto;flex:1 1 auto;overflow:hidden;text-overflow:ellipsis}._2D7eYuDY6cYGtybECmsxvE:hover{text-decoration:underline}._19bCWnxeTjqzBElWZfIlJb{font-size:16px;font-weight:500;line-height:20px;display:inline-block}._2TC7AdkcuxFIFKRO_VWis8{margin-left:10px;margin-top:30px}._2TC7AdkcuxFIFKRO_VWis8._35WVFxUni5zeFkPk7O4iiB{margin-top:35px}._1LAmcxBaaqShJsi8RNT-Vp{padding:0 2px 0 4px;vertical-align:middle}._2BY2-wxSbNFYqAy98jWyTC{margin-top:10px}._3sGbDVmLJd_8OV8Kfl7dVv{font-family:Noto Sans,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;font-weight:400;line-height:21px;margin-top:8px;word-wrap:break-word}._1qiHDKK74j6hUNxM0p9ZIp{margin-top:12px}.Jy6FIGP1NvWbVjQZN7FHA,._326PJFFRv8chYfOlaEYmGt,._1eMniuqQCoYf3kOpyx83Jj,._1cDoUuVvel5B1n5wa3K507{-ms-flex-pack:center;justify-content:center;margin-top:12px;width:100%}._1eMniuqQCoYf3kOpyx83Jj{margin-bottom:8px}._2_w8DCFR-DCxgxlP1SGNq5{margin-right:4px;vertical-align:middle}._1aS-wQ7rpbcxKT0d5kjrbh{border-radius:4px;display:inline-block;padding:4px}._2cn386lOe1A_DTmBUA-qSM{border-top:1px solid var(--newCommunityTheme-widgetColors-lineColor);margin-top:10px}._2Zdkj7cQEO3zSGHGK2XnZv{display:inline-block}.wzFxUZxKK8HkWiEhs0tyE{font-size:12px;font-weight:700;line-height:16px;color:var(--newCommunityTheme-button);cursor:pointer;text-align:left;margin-top:2px}._3R24jLERJTaoRbM_vYd9v0._3R24jLERJTaoRbM_vYd9v0._3R24jLERJTaoRbM_vYd9v0{display:none}.yobE-ux_T1smVDcFMMKFv{font-size:16px;font-weight:500;line-height:20px}._1vPW2g721nsu89X6ojahiX{margin-top:12px}._pTJqhLm_UAXS5SZtLPKd{text-transform:none} And in the morning kick me in the head Oh, Maggie, I couldn't have tried anymore You led me away from home 'Cause you didn't want to be alone You stole my heart, I couldn't leave you if I tried I suppose I could collect my books And get . Ten what? I want to provide you with some questions to invite reflection and conversation. It read, Mr. Back on the phone, the guy says, OK, now what?, A turtle is crossing the road when hes mugged by two snails. ", "A man is at the funeral of an old friend. How Psychologically Conditioned Rats Are Defusing Landmines, The Innate Intelligence Observed in the Dying Process. Peterson, she begins, would you say youre honest? Honest? replies the lawyer. ", "If at first you don't succeed, don't try skydiving. Student: A drinking problem. Five, six, maybe seven times. Soccer was the first sport that many of us tried. A receding hare-line. A cloud of tension hangs over them, and one thing is clear: these two are not going to end the night in each others arms! short for? What's a cat's favorite dessert? Whats your last wish? Well, Ive always wanted to donate a kidney.Submitted by Robert L. Jaffee, Growing up with a curious younger brother and a sharp-eared dad led to some memorable conversations as a teenager. Uncle Teds hiding in your closet and hes got no clothes on!. Well get ready, because Im about to be gorgeous., 27. Get the help you need from a therapist near youa FREE service from Psychology Today. I dont know why. Violators will be extracted. Submitted by Helen McNair, My father-in-law, Paul, lives on a farm near Wynyard, Saskatchewan. It's sad how my friend got his medical license revoked for sleeping with a patient. Submitted by Greg Madden. Please, not while Im eating.Submitted by Shirleen Slabber, I got an A on my very first university English paper. Sir! As it happens, theres a village right over the hill where a butcher is called Murphy, the baker is named Murphy, and three widows are called Murphy. He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript. Learn them and youll never have that I wish Id said that moment again! This isnt even real. I know, he says. Just cock your left shoulder up a little, like this, and tuck this left lapel under your chin a bit, like this.. The first one is on the house. Tim Vine. That didnt suit my husband. What are you drinking? he asks the guy. Thats Mums side.. 25 of the most textbook Alan Partridge quotes She couldnt control her pupils. Submitted by Jennifer Estlin, Moved by the church service, the richest man in town stood up and addressed the congregation. In fact, my name is Murphy., Aha, thought the agent, heres my man. So he whispered the secret code: The sun is shining the grass is growing the cows are ready for milking., Oh, said the farmer, youre looking for Murphy the spy. Theres a smartass quote for that. What other woman? Adam shot back. "A thief broke into the police headquarters during the night and took all the toilets. A Hollywood producer calls his friend, another Hollywood producer, on the phone. Four-year-old boy I babysit: *suspicious* Me: *Lays out books* Four-year-old: Well, this is disappointing. ._1QwShihKKlyRXyQSlqYaWW{height:16px;width:16px;vertical-align:bottom}._2X6EB3ZhEeXCh1eIVA64XM{margin-left:3px}._1jNPl3YUk6zbpLWdjaJT1r{font-size:12px;font-weight:500;line-height:16px;border-radius:2px;display:inline-block;margin-right:5px;overflow:hidden;text-overflow:ellipsis;vertical-align:text-bottom;white-space:pre;word-break:normal;padding:0 4px}._1jNPl3YUk6zbpLWdjaJT1r._39BEcWjOlYi1QGcJil6-yl{padding:0}._2hSecp_zkPm_s5ddV2htoj{font-size:12px;font-weight:500;line-height:16px;border-radius:2px;display:inline-block;margin-right:5px;overflow:hidden;text-overflow:ellipsis;vertical-align:text-bottom;white-space:pre;word-break:normal;margin-left:0;padding:0 4px}._2hSecp_zkPm_s5ddV2htoj._39BEcWjOlYi1QGcJil6-yl{padding:0}._1wzhGvvafQFOWAyA157okr{font-size:12px;font-weight:500;line-height:16px;border-radius:2px;margin-right:5px;overflow:hidden;text-overflow:ellipsis;vertical-align:text-bottom;white-space:pre;word-break:normal;box-sizing:border-box;line-height:14px;padding:0 4px}._3BPVpMSn5b1vb1yTQuqCRH,._1wzhGvvafQFOWAyA157okr{display:inline-block;height:16px}._3BPVpMSn5b1vb1yTQuqCRH{background-color:var(--newRedditTheme-body);border-radius:50%;margin-left:5px;text-align:center;width:16px}._2cvySYWkqJfynvXFOpNc5L{height:10px;width:10px}.aJrgrewN9C8x1Fusdx4hh{padding:2px 8px}._1wj6zoMi6hRP5YhJ8nXWXE{font-size:14px;padding:7px 12px}._2VqfzH0dZ9dIl3XWNxs42y{border-radius:20px}._2VqfzH0dZ9dIl3XWNxs42y:hover{opacity:.85}._2VqfzH0dZ9dIl3XWNxs42y:active{transform:scale(.95)} I approached the speaker and placed my order: a Big Mac, large fries and a chocolate shake. Years back, a group of hunters from the United States came up to shoot some birds. You may not be able to get your kid to eat their greens, but you can at least get a laugh out of them at the dinner table with this comprehensive list of the funniest food jokes for kids. The cop replies: Then why do I smell wine?, The priest looks at the bottle and says: Good Lord! Submitted by Barthelemy Petro. [Read: 60 creative insults to intellectually insult someone with sarcasm and leave everyone around laughing]. Submitted by Christina Melton, I wouldnt want to fly Virgin. Theres no menu, you only get what you deserve. She couldn't control her pupils. Submitted byLucinda Rajaselvan, The police are called to an apartment and find a woman standing over a lifeless man, holding a bent and twisted five-iron. Can I join you? Why, am I falling apart? I replied.
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